Spring

I have a lot of good days. In fact if I look at my calendar, I find myself constantly occupied with activities that I enjoy and surrounded by people that I love. The year is not even halfway through but I feel like I have gained a good deal, with many more things lying in wait for me to accomplish. It is a gratifying feeling to be able to pursue one's ambitions, even if it is just the action itself. These are things I can control; what I do with my time, the mindset I choose to adopt, and the goals I want to achieve. I plan and I plan some more.

But there will always be you beyond my control. You, who have long started to blur the lines between a memory and a figment of my imagination. Like with most of my dreams, when you made an appearance last night, I couldn't distinguish between the realms of my consciousness. The dream made me chuckle, just like you used to, and it's fascinating how dreams are able to resemble reality so closely to the point that it becomes cruel. On the good days you lounge in the recesses of my mind as I happily carry you along with every thought. You sit with me on my commutes, watching the rush of this world through a window pane, and within me there is peace. But sometimes this stretch of good days is interrupted by an impatient demand for certainty. I am struck mercilessly with the fact of your absence. My shoulders burn from where your hands used to rest, weighed down by my own disillusion. I battle the crushing pressure upon my soul to pick between the past and the future.






but still I refuse to let you go.